Just ask Argentinian soccer legend Diego Maradona what he and his team would love to have in South Africa at this year’s World Cup.

Luxury e-bidet toilet seats.

“The manager of the High Performance Centre in Pretoria, Colin Stier, maintained that the request from Maradona had culminated in two whole bathrooms being changed.

“[Bidets] are quite common in Argentina but hard to get hold of here,” Stier said, according to The Daily Mail.

“In the end we managed to track down a seat which has bidet nozzles, but to make it fit we ended up having to replace the whole bathroom too.”

We love it.

But, hopefully you won’t have to replace your whole bathroom.

Shop Luxury Bidet Toilet Seats at BidetKing.com.

The bidet shown in the clip is the classic French style vertical spray bidet.  The water stream is normally directed vertically (although sometimes horizontally) which requires the user to squat over the bidet.  They’re antiquated and don’t offer the multitude of features that electronic toilet seat bidets provide, but are still great conversation pieces.

Check out the hilarity below:

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SPALOO is owned by Bruce Santhuff and his wife Kate. “We are building the SPALOO industry, town by town, coast-to-coast, across the USA. We have no investors, and no large amount of capital. I truly believe in the benefits of this product, and I have my wife and my two kids behind me.” The Santhuff’s company and family are headquartered in Falls Church, Virginia.

BidetKing.com is THE authorized online dealer for Spaloo Bidet Toilet Seats on the Internet. Shop the entire selection today!

Meet Buddha.

Buddha (not his real name) is a good friend of iHeartBidets.com.  He supports the blog, enjoys bathroom humor, and is the newest advocate of our “Spreading the goodness of bidets” movement.  Buddha is typically a pretty bright fellow, but surprisingly he wasn’t always a fan of bidets.

Buddha was your classic, “I’ve been wiping my own butt with toilet paper for over 2 decades now, why the heck would I start spraying it with water – that’s weird” bidet hater.  Yup, he wanted no part of aerated streams of water gently, yet thoroughly cleansing his rear.  He preferred toilet paper.  Buddha had a perfectly valid point at the time – he’s gotten this far in life without needing a bidet, why would he want to start using one now? Why indeed.

Last week, Buddha fell victim to an unfortunate accident that left him with a broken right hand (his dominant hand).  He struggled with a swollen hand for most of the week until he finally went to the doctor’s office and was outfitted with a rigid cast.  Cast in hand, Buddha fumbled through the bulk of his daily activities without major issue.  He could drive, type on a computer, and even play a little ping-pong.  But, when nature came calling – Buddha was lost.

Buddha didn’t anticipate the difficulty he would have wiping himself with a cast on.  It’s bulky, rigid, and doesn’t allow for wrist movement.  He tried using his left hand, but without any practice his wipes were crude and off the mark.

The next day, Buddha came by the office and made an unusual request, “Hey…uh…can I use your toilet?” Most businesses are put off by this sort of inquiry but here at iHeartBidets.com, we relish it (we have a CleanSense dib-1500r bidet seat installed on the toilet).  “Of course Buddha, try not to smile when you come out.”  Needless to say, Buddha came out giggling like a school girl.

Moral of the story: Electronic bidet toilet seats are great for persons with limited mobility.  And if someone doesn’t believe in the benefits of bidet use, break their hand.

Final score:

Bidets 1, Buddha 0

So if Google went all out to provide these nifty, eco-friendly benefits for its employees, how do you think they outfitted the bathrooms?  You guessed it.  High-tech, electronic bidets seats for everyone.

The system, understood to be made in Korea, is among a range of perks at the ‘Googleplex – the company’s sprawling campus on the fringe of San Francisco. Others include a continuous supply of free food from the all-day canteen, and access to the communal bicycles that litter the grounds.

“I think it aids productivity,” one company employee said of the robo-bidet. “You come out of there ready to face work, clean as the day God made ya.”

To read the full article on how Google provides electronic bidet seats for its employees, click here.

I think urbandictionary.com defines it most eloquently:

“fecal particles which cling to bottox hair after excretion”

Yup.  And they’re often accompanied by their bad news pals – bits of toilet paper.  Like a jealous ex-boyfriend, Clingons insist on showing up at the worst times, often crashing parties and interrupting hot dates.  Definitely not the kind of crowd you want to be associating with.

But, what can we do? It’s not like we can blast them into space with phase cannons from the Starship Enterprise.

Enter, the COCO 6235.  This bad boy electronic bidet seat hates Clingons.  It takes pleasure in vaporizing those little turds into oblivion with its aerated water stream and IIP (Intensive Impulse Pulsation) system.  Never get mixed up with the wrong crowds again.  Get a COCO bidet and keep your rear free of Clingons forever.

I mean, sure, people have been using toilet paper for a long time now and I’ll admit – it gets the job done.  But, in our world of fancy gadgets and laptops, cars that park themselves, and phones that can do just about everything – we can’t come up with a more elegant solution to bathroom hygiene than wiping our dirty butts tissue paper??! I mean, come on let’s examine some of the cons here:

1. You have to wipe so many times to fully clean yourself with just toilet paper
2. You always seem to be running out when you need it most
3. The softer the paper, the more virgin trees have to die
4. When you’re having one of those days when you need to go alot:  tissue = sandpaper
5. Toilet paper requires you to wipe with your hand, down there.  So when it rips…yeah.

And that’s just to name a few.  I’m sure everyone has had their own beefs with toilet paper at one time or another but for me…enough was enough.  But, what could I do?

My moment of enlightenment came during a family trip to our home country, Taiwan.  My grandmother had recently undergone surgery and was mostly limited to resting in bed.  Just going to the bathroom became a chore.   My uncle decided to take action and installed an electronic bidet seat on her toilet.  Whoa.

Now, I’m what you would call a techie.  I built computers as a kid, loved having the newest gadgets and worked as an IT consultant for two years.  So imagine the look on my face when I saw the electronic bidet for the first time.

“What?! You mean you don’t have to wipe? IT WASHES YOU???! WHY DIDN”T ANYONE TELL ME THESE THINGS EXISTED??!! garghggahhh…”

When I woke up later, I asked my grandma how she liked using the bidet.  She loved it of course and said the enema function was especially useful for when she was constipated.  A little TMI, but I was hooked nonetheless.  I couldn’t wait to poop.  The next morning I was about as excited as a kid could be to poop in his grandma’s toilet.  I’ll spare you all the details, but let’s just sayI had one of those moments when you realize this is how life should be. I had found the solution to my life long conundrum of how to get around using toilet paper and felt remarkably free because of it. Thanks grandma!

I returned home and to no surprise my drab, bidet-less toilet just became harder and harder to bear.  After an exhausting search, I was finally able to track down a beautiful new electronic bidet seat to call my own – and we haven’t parted since <3.  Because once you go bidet, you can never go back.

Hope you all enjoy the blog as much as I do!

-WebGerms